The Stool Test

Picture courtesy of clandmed.com

It was my first time to have a migraine. I cannot describe the pain any better than saying it is like someone was lighting a fire on my head. It was just burning up there and it kept becoming hotter. I thought it was something to do with my eyesight or some crazy tonsillitis. You can imagine my horror when the doctor said we shall take a stool test. 

Really?! Stool test? I said headache. We shall test typhoid and other things, he said. I concluded I would have made a crappy doctor. But crappy doctors do exist nonetheless.

I was once involved in a minor car accident on my way to work and other than shock, I really did not have much pain till later in the day when my right leg started swelling and I realized I was slightly bruised. I walked into a hospital expecting to be given pain killers and maybe a pain gel. The fella had ear phones on. He would occasionally remove them, slowly take his sleepy eyes off his machine, ask a question e.g what time was the accident? Where was the accident? Which bus was it? Is it the reason why there is a traffic snarl up on Thika road?  One at a time, then he slowly would put his cheap earphones back on and hit the keyboard like his nails had just been manicured and he dint want to spoil the look. No he was not an old guy.

 I had already had an accident, I dint want to pick fights and arguments with anyone so I waited patiently for him to do his thing as I convinced myself that the doctor may need to report this accident victim to the nearest Police Post so irrelevant questions were part of a bigger plan. When he asked If I had a heartburn yet he had not even asked about the leg or even shown any signs of seeking to know whether it was the right or left leg we were discussing, I gave up on his professionalism and walked out. I guess they must have a whatsApp group called "Nairobi's Crappy Doctors" and as soon as I walked out of the consultation room, the chat must have been something like;

Crappy Doc One : Just asked a leg injury patient if she had a heart burn....lmao!!


Crappy Doc Two: Digehota! Tears.....was she cute?

Crappy Doc One: Exactly the reason for my strategy to make her stay longer and                                                   
                                     probably get a little mad, you know how light skinned mamas are cute                       
                                  when the are  mad.........hahaha. She had cute legs  btw.
                           
Crappy Doc Donholm:  Cute legs that you dint touch, nkt!! Umetuangusha!!

                            

                                                                   Crappy Nurse left 

Crappy Doc One Changed Group Subject to "Zero chills".

Where were we? So yea I went to a different hospital whose doctor was probably not a member of the above group or maybe he is the silent follower. 

Back to the stool test, I was sent to the lab for the procedure. 

I don't know why hospitals have never thought about making some of these procedures patient friendly. 

They should have a room with the containers and chats showing directions like ; 
"Stool Sample .....................> Pick clear container with a scoop like thing inside here ..................> Write your name on the label. Use toilets on the left, put a little fecal matter, return on the tray on the right. :) 

Slogan: Relax, we shall handle your shit!!

Everyone in that room would know we are here to have the fecal matter test. There wouldn't be any shame, we are fecal matter patients, we can form a whatsApp group after we get our results and share our experiences. Haha. 

Unfortunately, the truth is that you have to meet the lab guy who in most cases I assume must be a member of "Zero Chills" group. Like the guy I met had a marvin on. Are lab technicians allowed to wear marvins at work? Will some bacteria crawl up their heads and cause them to be bald at an early age thus they must cover up? I dint get it; the marvin thing. But you cant ask a lab guy personal questions, he might get offended and say you are positive while you are not, or raise his voice when he is giving you the stool container "chota stool kidogo uweke hapa." Then the kids waiting with their parents at the waiting bay will ask "Mummy, stool inaweza chotwa?" And you cant laugh because the joke is on you and about you. I also don't know why they make the stool container so small. Okay maybe so that they literally don't have to handle so much shit but really if they have to be that small, please give a manual alongside. Thank you.

As I wanted for my results I wondered how it is like to handle people's shit everyday of your life for a living. Do people actually have this passion? You grow up hoping to examine fecal matter someday? I know it is not the only examination in medical lab but it must be the most intriguing for a passion driven lab professional. I was unable to get a clear mental picture of what kind of a lab technician I would have made. 

Finally, my results were out and I was sent back to the doctor who said the test was negative but I would be put on medication to control acidity in my stomach. Fair enough I thought. As I waited to get my acid control medication from the pharmacy, the doctor called out my name. "Me?" I was just making sure I do not have a name sake in the queue. "Yes." I figured this must be another crappy doctor moment. Once inside the consultation room , he dint let my mind wander much. He said the lab technician had sent an update on my result and It was positive. Wth!!

Crappy lab technician: Just sent the second reading and its positive hahaha (insert the                                                   
                                                   tears emoji)

Crappy Doc Donholm: How long did you wait to see the result? That may be out of the                                                   
                                                  test window period.

Crappy lab technician: Oooh damn it, did I even check the test window period.

Crappy Doc One: Hahaha, day made!!


The doctor said we shall use the first result. The second one may be skewed. Because if you take the results after the test window period is over, the results are different.

I wondered whether the lab technician had noticed that I did not approve of his marvin swag. Or may be I gave him too much shit? What would make a lab technician have second thoughts about a fecal matter patient?

At this point, I realized the whatsApp group would have come in handy for psychological support. Can you imagine if a campus student was told she was not pregnant then at the hospital gate on her way out she is called back and the result is positive?!

Greetings from Rock bottom :).

           
                                

The Devil is Not a Toddler

There will always be situations in life that will make you realize that and the devil is not a toddler whom you dance around with singing silly songs in high pitched voices. He is also not your boy that you will negotiate terms and conditions in such situations. 

Here goes some;

1. You have always arrived to work in time. You get there, do your make up, read the business daily, see how the national airline is fairing, text your salonist and book an appointment for her to check on your hairline in the evening, pray and work starts flowing. This has been you for the last three years. Then this day you are told of a board meeting at 7am, which means you have to be at work by 6.30am. You work late the previous evening to ensure all necessary material for the meeting is ready. Your boss sends you a mail asking how ready you are for the meeting and your response? "I am on top of things, everything is going on well" Till the next morning when you wake up to the sunlight coming into your bedroom through the window. Its 8am and you are not dreaming.

2. You leave the club in good shape and great health. The kidneys decide to do the filtering a bit faster than they were doing as you were drinking and you get pressed as soon as the driver starts the engine. You nod to the music and sing along to keep your mind off the thought. You take the stairs in faith because you live on fourth floor and the grace is sufficient. But the lock wont open easy, you say a silent prayer and as soon as its open, it is actually open. :) The walk, no run, I mean sprint from the door to the loo is ten times longer than taking the stairs in slow motion and you still don't make in one piece. 

3. No sooner had you lathered your whole body in soap than the lights go off and you have to rinse off with cold water. Wuui

4. On a day like today, you leave home when the sun is shinning. You have been in a jacket and a scarf all week, so what a relief to dress less. Then as soon as you get to town, it starts to drizzle.

5. That one week you have not gone to the salon, because you din't have time or you want your hair do to be fresh for a certain event so you put up with two or three bad hair days, on the last day of your bad hair week, you meet your ex on your way home from work. Well well well..........

6. You buy this new dress and you know for sure you are going to turn heads in it.  On Monday morning, it fits a little tighter, as you walk down the stairs, the hind section does that thing of lifting the dress up with every stride. You get to ground floor and the care taker gives you this look and you confirm that for sure you need to change into something else. You rush up the stairs and on you way back, you trip and fall down the stairs. Its already ten minutes past your ideal time.

7. After a month of exams and burning the mid night oil every night, you decide to turn up and reward yourself . You wake up to a mammoth of a hangover the next day and your mum calls, she is at the gate, its a surprise :)

8. You get home late, but you are determined to cook a mean meal for yourself. You make the ugali and prepare the vegetables, as soon as you put meat on the fire. Gas goes off. The damn cylinder is done. 

9. What is the relationship between being on the "avoid alcohol" kind of medication and your best friend calling you for a random event by their company and its open bar?

10. Why does one get two great job offers at the same time and you have to choose? Hey blessings, make a queue, don't make me choose you , I love you all equally at different times. 

11. You plan a holiday trip with your pals. Make all bookings and arrangements, your are busy applying for your leave day when you get an email that there shall be a leave freeze for the next two months.

12. The day you do not iron your clothes at night you wake up to a black out.

13. The day yo carry some nice chicken curry for lunch to work is the day you get lunch dates. The day you have nothing, the only message you receive on your phone is Mshwari reminding you to pay the loan. 

14. You miss an office function for a friends party outside town and it sucks the life out of you.

15. Your friends tell you that you are not fit to drive home after a drinking spree. You argue and even manage to prove your sobriety to a reasonable level. The next thing, you are calling your friends with stories about how the alco blow guys wont accept 2k which is the only money in your pocket.

16. The day you are not in talking terms with your dude is when when some guy hits your Nisan March from behind on Thika road. You have to make the damn call. I mean its your orange Nissan March we are talking about. 

17. You always send the chama money in good time and with the withdrawal fee. This one time you forget to send on time and when you remember, the only money available on your mpesa is the flat fee no withdrawal fee. Its a bad day for the recipient, the next thing you are trending on the chama group. haha (insert emotion that laughs to tears). 

18. You leave work early and have no plot despite the fact that its a Friday. You decide #thetrend will be your thing that evening. Larry Madowo then decides to interview that ex jail bird who abused the president and has absolutely no clue of how to be sorry neither opinionated. I think he also has no clue of his age, you cant be so old at 22. Surely, you are making the real 22 year olds look like toddlers.

19. You start this post with an aim of getting 20 reasons and you are at numero 19 and you are too hungry to think further. Its cold and its 1.20 pm. Brain shuts!

The devil is not your boy....hehe but J.C ni baba yao :). 

Have a great weekend ahead and don't dance with the devil. 

New Chapter.......

Its been forever. I am coming back different..........

Lets take stock, its a new chapter;

Drinking: Lots of water than I did before.

Cooking: Mashed matoke and creamed spinach weekly. Why didn't anyone ever tell me about this?


Reading : Twenties girl by Sophie Kinsella and Betty Gikonyo's Biography; The girl who dared to 

dream. I have however been reading these two books for such a long time, I promise to be done

soon,by November maybe.

Wanting: To go back to Naxvegas for a night out...........what happens in Vegas, should be repeated in

Vegas soon enough.

Playing: Music in the office at this hour, all bosses are out ........we running this!! Hehehe

Sewing : Wololo!! Hoping to have an answer for this one next time.

Wishing: That my brother in laws can do another "welcome to the family" ritual for me.....:) please

tell me we can have a monthly anniversary for the same. Thank you ;)

Enjoying: My weekly salsa lessons. I want to be a pro by Dec.......you can hire me to dance in your

Christmas parties :)

 Liking: Sauti Sol's "Sura Yako" that beat is so timeless, plus mini man sings along every time he

hears it, only that he kinda does a Chinese version :)

Wondering: What to take for lunch.......fruits on my mind but then again, Il get hungry too soon.

Loving: The look in my new spects.

Hoping: That I can get back to studying soon.

Marveling:  At the rate at which my grandpa has recovered, this man is so vibrant. When

I grow up I want to be like him.

Needing: To write more.

Wearing: Mainly peplum tops lately, just realized they got my back and my sides too :)

Following: More travel bloggers on IG. Think il get a travel bug bite soon.

Knowing: That it takes a village to raise a child, and mine loves village life too.

Thinking: About how I should have a collection of old school reggae songs. :)

*donhaffidreadstoberasta*

Feeling: Free..........office alone! I know you envy me right now.

Bookmarking: This blog  http://ourstylekenya.com/

Opening: My water bottle to take a sip.

Making: Sure I sleep early everyday, sleep is essential.

August

Happy new month. Its already September!! Time flies.

The silence is so loud, its valid though, its validity will be proved soon before the year comes to an end, so help me God.
August was a crazy month. Beside the project underway, ahem i had two crazy incidents that left me feeling honored to be alive.

25th August 6.30 am I board a matatu at my usual place and take the back seat. Normally, I nap all the way to town, but nowadays there is no traffic so if I nap, by the time its sweet and tempting, we are at Ngara, I hate the feeling of having to stop what has just started. Id rather not start. On this day, I chat with the person next to me. Stories were flowing and there were occasional laughs when suddenly the driver swerved at such a high speed, that every one was caught by surprise. My curiosity caused me to peep through the back window . Other than thick black smoke from the exhaust pipe and some dust, there was nothing else in the vicinity. As I turned to face in front, screams filled the air. The bus slanted on its left and I could literally feel the driver trying to frantically bring it back to stability. The speed was increasing and every one was panicking. I held the seat in front of me so tightly with my right hand. I was sure this bus would roll on its left side. My head was telling me that if it does, Id definitely be thrown over and be hit by the carriage on the right side. It was around 45 degrees over my head. I held the seat in front even tighter. Iswore if i had to be thrown off my seat, id have to go with this seat as a shield :) .What followed were three very loud bangs separated by desperate screams, people being thrown from side to side as others shouted (I was among the latter).

The matatu stopped. My knees were on vibration mode and they would not stop. I was not alone, the guy beside me was holding his knees and the look on his face would tell a million versions of the same story at the time. The vehicle had stopped but was still slanted. We alighted very carefully considering a slanted floor and shaky knees are not the best of conditions to work with . I still had not realized what exactly had happened till I stepped out to find that wen rammed into a GK land rover half way on its right side then into rails on our left. That is what stopped the vehicle from rolling. Adrenaline was top notch and it convinced me that I was in good health. I complied. I text my Madam to say that I may be late, sh*t was up and I was dead scared.

I am a true Kenyan, we move on fast. Ours is a rolling stone,we gather no moss. Across the road, we proceeded to our different money making stations. At 9.30am, adrenaline died and pain kicked in. I had several muscle strains. I could no stretch my right arm,I checked into hospital, I should have done it earlier though. I met this psycho of a doctor who was treating me with his earphones on his ears. How do they select Med students nowadays? If Id go back to campus Id be overqualified for medicine I guess. He only removed the earphones to ask me if I had heart burn and what time the incident was. Oooh plus on which road, like that would determine the intensity of pain. My leg is swollen but I am supposed to have heart burn. Come down Lawd!!

I was not in a mood to argue so I just walked out and went to another hospital,More reputable, they did a thorough check and I am well, with a few painkillers of course.

This was reason enough to celebrate and Saturday 30th was a perfect night. Main man has a crazy crowd. The night would totally rock!! We  passed through an ATM on Kimathi street before proceeding to our choice on nightly ventures, it was raining. We opted to use the rather shorter alleys between buildings to avoid the rain. Once into the alley, thee men, each in a black black hoods walked right behind us, I was last on the queue since we are all avoiding the rain and its obvious  I was the weakest target. Every time I looked back, the men looked down and they had all pocketed. I felt like I was in a movie scenario. One guy in my crowd noticed the weird stares, walked behind me and whispered "run". I am obedient, the rest of the team must have been alert, they all ran for dear lives and out of the alley. The hooded men took the next turn to the opposite direction when they realized we had smelt a fat ugly rat. That was close, we had to celebrate this life now.

And we did.........

 The DJ must have had a good August, he dropped such crazy beats I wished that night would last forever, It dint, but lasted to the end  of August because Sunday was.....lets just say inactive to be on the safe side.

Goodbye August, see you next year and please come with your manners.

Hello September..........

Baibe Tonight.........

I went home late last night. I was visiting my grandpa in hospital. The old man has to undergo a medical procedure today so Id gone there to make sure his candle was well lit, blazing like it should. We had fun and laughed a lot. He is a chief bully this guy, so  I reminded him of the many jokes he used to tell me about extremely thin people and fat too. We had such a nice time I did not even realise it was late.  Way home was no hustle since there was no traffic. Music was easy and we all had a common goal; getting home soon or so we thought.

A random guy starts bargaining the fare and saying he was supposed to pay ten shillings lower than the rest of us. It was supposed to be a secret so the conductor tells him, no need to shout . That is when I realized ten shillings still had value in this economy. The guy next to him started shouting too. " This is not fair, pia mimi nalipa ivo." The sad thing is that he had already paid his, inclusive of the ten "extra" but he would hear none of the "you have already paid " bullshit.
  He raised his voice and demanded for balance. Guys behind him had mixed reactions, some were in support (like me for a story) and others were too agitated. "Nipe kumi yangu. Huwezi kuwa sonko na kumi yangu." The conductor said he should have bargained before we left town. This guy was huge and his body matched his voice, the conductor was skinny with dreadlocks. I imagined how a browl between them would unfold, maybe the huge guy would hang the skinny one by his hair. I was having fun.

By this time, three more guys were supporting the huge guy. The conductor spoke to the driver; " horia rwibo, nyabe ndikanie na giki kimundu kuharu." (Put off the music, I first deal with this broke thing). That was it!! The guy shouted, "ok sasa kumi yangu ndio umeamua utakuwa millionaire nayo?!." guys laughed. " Wacha nikwambie, hata na ukikuyu yako yote, jua probox sio shilingi kumi na hata kama ni kumi, hununui na yangu." This guy's voice had no bitterness in it at all, he seemed like he just wanted to cause chaos, hed laugh after talking then make a serious face.

We got to the Kasarani Police Station. The huge guy demanded to be taken to the police and reported for not paying ten shillings. Guys were now becoming irritated. I was smiling hard, afraid to laugh as this guy can embrass anyone.

"Maziwa moto." Someone shouted in panic from the back seat. I wondered why anyone would carry hot milk in the matatu, now he had burnt his neigbour. " Maziwa moto" came the voice again. hahahaha those sited next to him were mad at him and at all the people who looked behind smiling. I couldn't help but laugh by now. The conductor was so irritated with this squad of passengers who seemed to have walked straight from a ward in Mathari hospital.

 Luckily, the maziwa guy had caused enough distraction for us to go past the police station but it was not enough to make the huge guy let the conductor off the hook. He said his ten bob refund had now earned interest. " Buda boss, saii ni mia, zangu zina interest." No one was paying attention to him by time, but he was like a child, he just did not stop. " Zangu ukienda nazo, utajua nyayangu ni nani." I had heard such threats in high school. Everybody's grandmother was a witch when your skirt was lost. Finally,  we were at my stage. We alighted and left the huge guy demanding for his a hundred shillings. He must be a Shylock.  The maziwa moto guy alighted with us. He was wasted, I figured it must have been chang'aa. When you take this thing, you must take a glass of milk otherwise you will sleep right outside the chang'aa den.Don't ask how I know.

I obviously needed a quiet night, but that does not exist in my son's world. I got to the office this morning and  hoped for an easy relaxed morning. All was going according to my wishes. No, it was way better. The main lady came in and put music, sweet slow music. I checked the date, its not Christmas, but its main man's birthday and the day Grandpa will have the procedure done. My siz in law should also be bringing my nephew into the world today :) in the back ground, John Legend's "Tonight" was playing. I smiled and looked up, its was about to be the best day I ever had , huh I wanted to brag until an all too familiar voice too asked " Who used my scissors?" I knew I would need maziwa moto tonight!

I Know Where Yahaya Lives

Hi good people, you are the reason I keep writing. Every smile, text message, comment on my post keeps me motivated. I feel so good to have friends like you. Thank you, I owe you so much darlings.

Have you been well? You realize I have not written in a while,  I have not been idle though. Lately I have acquired myself a new part time job. That of an events organizer. My first event is on Sunday the 13^th, hahaha nothing big, it’s a get together with my beloved cousins. It does count. Its an event, yes? No? It will be everything to write home about and the beginning of great things to come. Hence the silence. I have also been reading much, ok lets just put it as ; I have gone back to reading after a two year break, we all know why. The reading culture is also trickling down to lil man. Ooh he loves his cartoon books and every picture in the cartoon book has a name; Yetch. I also don’t get it, but hey, is that Yetch?!

On Sunday the previous weekend I had quite a lazy day. I had taken 3 cans of redds on Saturday night. Yes 3 cans of the damn mild thing gives me a whole 24hrs of laziness. Hahaha if you know me well, then this is funny but Its okey. I am getting used to the term “low voltage.” I also don’t believe it, but  what is it I refused to tell you again? 3 cans of redds will set a secret free!!

 Back to Sunday and I was supposed to join my friends for a baby shower at 2pm. I wake up looked at the time, it was 2.15. I registered it was AM, I struggle to turn my head and look up, the light from the window is blinding. Ooh Shyeettt!! Its PM. What was more disappointing was to imagine that I was less than 20 hours away from a Monday. I chose to skip the baby shower, tactfully. I said someone else was hangied and needed my care. I am a part time hangover nurse too you know. I jumped ship successfully. At around 5.30pm I remembered we had less that two units of power. 
Those are very dangerous, you have to shower with caution, iron on low voltage (love this phrase) and it makes you feel like you can watch your t.v on half screen, while the other half saves power. I was not going to torture myself in that manner so I was off to the top up kiosk. Along the way, realized that I needed to use the services of an ATM. As usual, there was a  long queue. It got to my turn, and the screen displays the “ I am out of service, got to the nearest blah blah “ statement. I have to pick a mat to the near one, (don’t give me that look, I could walk if I wanted but I cant, and it was late. Ok damit!! There is only one ATM near me). 

I got there and there is another queue, three machines in total. Two were experiencing that time of the month so they were, like; “don’t touch me”. There were five people ahead of me and guy number three is the impatient type. You could tell from the way he stood, how frequently he changed his posture,and how he clicked after every minute. He was a tad bit annoying. But that was just the beginning. It was getting dark outside and the queue was growing long, my silent prayer was that the machine does not go all moody when it is my turn. My prayer was interrupted by an arrogantly loud Nigerian song emanating from an obviously China made device. “Halo, ndio natoa, relax”. It was the impatient man. He sounded like he needed to pay a bad dept, urgently before it became worse. 

After the call he punched his keyboard like a teenager; fast and furious. Another call came in, he answered it arrogantly and earned himself some selfish looks. An expectant lady walked into the ATM lobby and she seemed quite tired. It was now Mr. Restless’ turn, the expectant lady asked if she can kindly go ahead of him. I did not expect him to be a gentleman but I gave him the benefit of doubt which he definitely did not deserve. “Niko na haraka, nangojewa!!” (Am in a hurry, I am being waited for). The lady stepped back and the next person on line allowed her a slot. As she stood there frustrated, Karma arrived to her rescue.

Mr. Arrogant and Impatient slotted in his card, he was restless and punched in his pin with so much energy. He hit the “correct” key like he meant to accept for two people. As he waited, he rhythmically but annoyingly tapped his fingers on the ATM’s top surface. That machine was so male, it hated being nagged. “ I am out of service.” I almost burst out laughing when I saw this but I remembered I was still in the queue. He got a bit annoyed, picked the card and slotted it in again. Now clicking after punching every numeral of his pin. This one took a bit longer, he sighed, his hopes rose. His phone rung again. I think that ring tone was too loud it scared away the machine. It timed out the transaction and stuck out the card like a tongue sticks out after you've take bangbang chilie crisps. He got so frustrated and hit the ATM keys with his fist. 
The people in the queue were now starting to murmur. One drunk guy shouted, “ kama huna pesa toka hapo!” (take your broke ass home), that is exactly what he meant. It was his unspoken J. I was smiling in my heart and no I am no sadist. Who refuses to excuse an expectant lady? Ok this man just tried, I assure you it does not end well.

I remembered, I was in the same queue, after two people, it would be me, but Id be ready to excuse ten pregnant ladies. Well,  as long as they do not come in a group. I think that guy was the Kenyan Yahaya. He picked up his phone and said, he is on his way with the money and they should stop calling him after every two minutes. He tried one more time amidst the oblivion of the people waiting. This time everybody was throwing harsh words all over, but dint seem to care until the ATM told him to contact the card center. Then his face was pale, he picked his card and left. Poor Yahaya, I thought, what was he going to tell his debtors? I looked up to catch the expectant lady pocketing her cash, ooh the machine was working. The guy in front of me dispensed, and it was my turn. I prayed hard for Karma not to act now, you know I had laughed at Yahaya, but Karma knows Id excuse an expectant lady any time, even if it was her J. So I got my cash. 

On my way home, I sat just near the door. Next to me was a middle aged guy who was telling his seat mate about how he has fallen in love with a gold digger. I am not so good at eves dropping but this one I had to. He said the woman was a beauty. She was as adventurous as Eve Dsouza while shooting Magical Kenya’s episodes. She wanted to travel all over Kenya and make you fall in love in different places. The problem was that she was broke and willing to do nothing about it but milk the guy. So the friend warned by his this guy sited next to me, “Be ware of such ladies, especially the light skinned ones, (offended look) they will literary milk you. All you'll hear is Chrr!!, Chrrr!! Chrrr!! As the milk gets into a bucket and by the time its drops, ul be alone my friend.” The adviser sighed. I guess he had just shared his last nugget of wisdom. “Suntom mwisho, Sunton” I heard the conductor shout. Oooh crap!! I had passed my stage, I was so much into the “ Chrr!! Chrrr!! That I did not realise its my time to Chrrr!! out of the mat. 

Chrrr!!!

The Burning Bum

Happy Mothers day to all mums and mums to be

I have had this story in my head the whole week. Tried writing it even, but I stopped in the middle. I have had one of those weeks. Whats the feeling you get after two consecutive awesome weekends and just don’t want to accept its all over? Hangover? I was sober though, so nostalgia? I don’t know. Lil man turned 1, in a big way. Exactly the way I had pictured it. I can finally tick that off ,my “to-do” list. Yeaaay!! Glory to God. Many thanks to the main man, and all who came over. My cousin Grace found herself a good man. Good enough to bring the goats to us. That was yet another eventful weekend. TGIF il spend this one adjusting my mind back to the norm. The norm already started coming to me though J. We went shoe shopping last week. When I say we, I mean with my gal, the usual gal. The one and only. There was a shoe sale at Clarks and Sketchers. I love shoe shopping, this particular one made me want to ask for a pay rise in the mall hahaha is it legal?!! Like, “ you know if I earned 20% higher than what I do, I think id grab that second pair” J. It will never be that easy, a girl can wish.The struggle is real, but then again, this is clacks baibe!! Talking of shoes, I tortured a pair of my blue heels on Tuesday as well as my feet. Well not me directly, it was just a bad evening. A crazy traffic snarl caused me to walk home. Almost two kilometers from the house I think, but  probably not. I read somewhere that one is born with the maths gene. I gave the hugest grin....i know what gene i do not have now!! So lets just play safe and say, it was just a long distance.  It was raining and wed stopped for almost an hour. Walking was the only option. We were many, and we  chit chat to make it shorter. As usual, I made a friend. This time a matatu driver, he narrated about the blast, we hoped for the peace.   On reaching home, no lights, on our floor. The rain has messed up some connection. This translates to a cold shower the next day, no TV today and I could not even think of a cold night shower so that was off the list. Ooooh ironing, am sort of happy I wont have to. As I choose what well suits a blackout by being crease free, I carefully place the candle on a convenient place. I did not notice how close it was to the clothes on the hangers. Or I did, and was too tired to do the math about the danger. A little diversion, fire must be haunting me. Shidwe!! So on the birth day, the active girl in me was on a row. I was “all over” (as main man puts it). So I bend to attend to some stew in front of me not noticing that my cousin Grace had put a jiko right behind me. I feel the temperature behind me rise, we crack a joke about me burning my bum as I bent with the jiko blaring behind me. We had not even laughed about it before I felt my behind get hot !! I had a fiery behind!! Had the visitors arrived while this was happening, id have very unwillingly and effortlessly stolen the show. I ran all over shouting and trying to pat my now very hot behind. Grace poured loads of water on me. Luckily, only the clothes caught fire. This boy has a bright and hot future ahead. I still keep the lesso that went up in flames. Alongside, i keep the memories of the echos of laughter that filed the kitchen after the brief show. Back ironing, nothing burnt!! I only had a cold shower and a candle lit smell the next day.