Love for a Reason; Let the Reason be Love.

I wanted to write a story about love.

But then I was stuck at the first sentence because writing about love is emotionally involving, something I find tasking.

Earlier this week, I lost a colleague at work. A tall cool guy. He loved to laugh, a lot. He did not talk much but would be pleasant if you engaged him in a conversation. Never much of a conversation starter. He collapsed while jogging. A fit guy, he always walked home. Low fat diet, vegetable lover. Again, he loved to laugh. This is the paradox of life. That one dies while working to stay healthy. Death is mean, we try to avoid it and it lies at the very path we are sure it can't be on, shamelessly waiting. His time was a week to Valentines day. May he rest in Peace.

We make plans for this big day; hotel bookings, office deliveries and pleasant surprises for the big day but what will really matter at the end are the moments we had. Here and now is all we have, all we can be sure of. The future is great for dreams but today is a perfect day to love.

The purpose of love is to love for a reason. That you may buy her that rose, open that door, write her a love note and call her at work because you miss her.
You may not be the kind of guy to bring flowers everyday and say "I love you" in many fancy ways, but if you love for a reason and that reason is love, your smile should brighten up her mood just like a blooming rose would.Your simple ways would intrigue her .

Love is not romance. Love is friendship. Love is the smile, the glow in his eyes. The way he inspires you. The way he resists to smile at your stupid jokes because he wants to be serious around you when you are discussion serious matters. Love is wishing them well, much more than you wish for yourself. Love is not jealous I guess that is how Solomon was able to keep 700 hundred wives and 300 hundred concubines. He told them love is not jealous and they lived happily ever after. (Do not quote me though).

Life is too short to love for the show. If you love for something; seasons end, looks fade, feelings disappear, money is superficial and luxury never satisfying.

Love today, love now its all we are sure about. Love for a reason; let the reason be love.

The Stool Test

Picture courtesy of clandmed.com

It was my first time to have a migraine. I cannot describe the pain any better than saying it is like someone was lighting a fire on my head. It was just burning up there and it kept becoming hotter. I thought it was something to do with my eyesight or some crazy tonsillitis. You can imagine my horror when the doctor said we shall take a stool test. 

Really?! Stool test? I said headache. We shall test typhoid and other things, he said. I concluded I would have made a crappy doctor. But crappy doctors do exist nonetheless.

I was once involved in a minor car accident on my way to work and other than shock, I really did not have much pain till later in the day when my right leg started swelling and I realized I was slightly bruised. I walked into a hospital expecting to be given pain killers and maybe a pain gel. The fella had ear phones on. He would occasionally remove them, slowly take his sleepy eyes off his machine, ask a question e.g what time was the accident? Where was the accident? Which bus was it? Is it the reason why there is a traffic snarl up on Thika road?  One at a time, then he slowly would put his cheap earphones back on and hit the keyboard like his nails had just been manicured and he dint want to spoil the look. No he was not an old guy.

 I had already had an accident, I dint want to pick fights and arguments with anyone so I waited patiently for him to do his thing as I convinced myself that the doctor may need to report this accident victim to the nearest Police Post so irrelevant questions were part of a bigger plan. When he asked If I had a heartburn yet he had not even asked about the leg or even shown any signs of seeking to know whether it was the right or left leg we were discussing, I gave up on his professionalism and walked out. I guess they must have a whatsApp group called "Nairobi's Crappy Doctors" and as soon as I walked out of the consultation room, the chat must have been something like;

Crappy Doc One : Just asked a leg injury patient if she had a heart burn....lmao!!


Crappy Doc Two: Digehota! Tears.....was she cute?

Crappy Doc One: Exactly the reason for my strategy to make her stay longer and                                                   
                                     probably get a little mad, you know how light skinned mamas are cute                       
                                  when the are  mad.........hahaha. She had cute legs  btw.
                           
Crappy Doc Donholm:  Cute legs that you dint touch, nkt!! Umetuangusha!!

                            

                                                                   Crappy Nurse left 

Crappy Doc One Changed Group Subject to "Zero chills".

Where were we? So yea I went to a different hospital whose doctor was probably not a member of the above group or maybe he is the silent follower. 

Back to the stool test, I was sent to the lab for the procedure. 

I don't know why hospitals have never thought about making some of these procedures patient friendly. 

They should have a room with the containers and chats showing directions like ; 
"Stool Sample .....................> Pick clear container with a scoop like thing inside here ..................> Write your name on the label. Use toilets on the left, put a little fecal matter, return on the tray on the right. :) 

Slogan: Relax, we shall handle your shit!!

Everyone in that room would know we are here to have the fecal matter test. There wouldn't be any shame, we are fecal matter patients, we can form a whatsApp group after we get our results and share our experiences. Haha. 

Unfortunately, the truth is that you have to meet the lab guy who in most cases I assume must be a member of "Zero Chills" group. Like the guy I met had a marvin on. Are lab technicians allowed to wear marvins at work? Will some bacteria crawl up their heads and cause them to be bald at an early age thus they must cover up? I dint get it; the marvin thing. But you cant ask a lab guy personal questions, he might get offended and say you are positive while you are not, or raise his voice when he is giving you the stool container "chota stool kidogo uweke hapa." Then the kids waiting with their parents at the waiting bay will ask "Mummy, stool inaweza chotwa?" And you cant laugh because the joke is on you and about you. I also don't know why they make the stool container so small. Okay maybe so that they literally don't have to handle so much shit but really if they have to be that small, please give a manual alongside. Thank you.

As I wanted for my results I wondered how it is like to handle people's shit everyday of your life for a living. Do people actually have this passion? You grow up hoping to examine fecal matter someday? I know it is not the only examination in medical lab but it must be the most intriguing for a passion driven lab professional. I was unable to get a clear mental picture of what kind of a lab technician I would have made. 

Finally, my results were out and I was sent back to the doctor who said the test was negative but I would be put on medication to control acidity in my stomach. Fair enough I thought. As I waited to get my acid control medication from the pharmacy, the doctor called out my name. "Me?" I was just making sure I do not have a name sake in the queue. "Yes." I figured this must be another crappy doctor moment. Once inside the consultation room , he dint let my mind wander much. He said the lab technician had sent an update on my result and It was positive. Wth!!

Crappy lab technician: Just sent the second reading and its positive hahaha (insert the                                                   
                                                   tears emoji)

Crappy Doc Donholm: How long did you wait to see the result? That may be out of the                                                   
                                                  test window period.

Crappy lab technician: Oooh damn it, did I even check the test window period.

Crappy Doc One: Hahaha, day made!!


The doctor said we shall use the first result. The second one may be skewed. Because if you take the results after the test window period is over, the results are different.

I wondered whether the lab technician had noticed that I did not approve of his marvin swag. Or may be I gave him too much shit? What would make a lab technician have second thoughts about a fecal matter patient?

At this point, I realized the whatsApp group would have come in handy for psychological support. Can you imagine if a campus student was told she was not pregnant then at the hospital gate on her way out she is called back and the result is positive?!

Greetings from Rock bottom :).

           
                                

Lets Make Love

 

I have either been listening out for negative talk or I am just dealing with too many negative people around me lately. I hear negativity all around these days. People who want to dampen others' spirits, those who think they can validate their existence by making others feel worthless, humanity is constantly hurt by humans.

It gets to a point where I predict what someone will say negatively so that when the outcome is contrary to my perceived thought, I celebrate.  At times, self doubt kicks in after a negative comment and you may actually lose faith in yourself in the process. That is how humans kills silently. By shutting others up, mostly with mundane ideologies drawn from their own inadequacies. 

Here is the thing, yesterday I had a really bad day. I had tears welling up in my eyes every seven minutes or so. It started the previous evening, someone tried very hard to make me feel worthless and abused my intelligence needless to say that it was in public. I was enraged and when I am, I don’t talk or cry, I smile and I hate it. I don’t know where this stupid fake smile comes from. But it always confuses the other person.

There was a permanent thing around my neck. The thing that makes you feel like you want to swallow a potato but you can’t. It was my neck ornament for the day.  I tried wearing heels to feel good. Marilyn Monroe said good shoes lift moods, right? Well it dint work. I called my mother. This is supposed to be the ultimate drill to change moods, well let’s just say it just dint feel any better. By evening, I was still in a foul mood. But my face was all things happy, I smiled, laughed and would hear my soul struggling to keep its sorrow amidst the laughter.

When I was leaving the office, my friend called me for a coffee date. “Not a bad way to end a bad day” I thought. We had a little chit chat, catching up and she asked me a question that made me realize, there was no reason at all to focus on the negative things in life. She found it amazing how I juggle being a mum, a wife, a career woman and still do other stuff on the side. I said I have it in me, that energy to keep going.  I listened to my self say those words and I smiled. I had it in me, all this while. I had it in me to stay positive and not let any other person bring me down.

On my way home after the date, wait, I have a colleague who insists if its a meeting between two girls or two men its not a date but a meeting. But this was, Monica had this hoarse voice from a cold she got as a way to welcome her back to her motherland. Her voice was so bad you should have seen how people stared when we laughed out loud. You could see them conclude by raising their eyebrows that we were on a date and that Monica was the one :) Hahaha get well soon and enjoy your stay.

Where were we, ooh going home. I thought of people who face so much negativity and have still not realized that they have it within them to stay positive and said I will let them know how to stay positive among negative people; 

1. Limit the time you spend with people of negative energy.  

2. Know that you are the best version of yourself, accept that and never try to be anyone else.

3. Weird is rad. Many people think that just because you are not like them, then you are weird, you’re thought processes are skewed, may be unacceptable, because it not normal, well that's okay, weird is rad, rock it!

4. Know what is best for you, listen to advice since negative people are always willing to offer it, then go ahead and do what ever it is you were going to do anyway. 

5. Expect less. 

6. Feed on positive thoughts and store up for a rainy day.

7. Spread positivism to others, it renews you.

8.  Analyze people. No, really, know the people you are dealing with, that way you their actions won’t surprise you. 

9. Do not answer to a negative thought, it may damaged you. Refer to no. 1.

10. Love covers all things, spread it.

                        Lets make love, not damaged humans!!

You Are Awesome, Woman!

 I have had a hard time thinking about how to blog on this issue. It has been weighing me down for various reason. Today someone sent me a video that I watched and it gave me a beautiful insight.

Who are you? It starts by asking. Top of my mind was; "I am a woman."  And sure enough it was about women.

There are many women who cannot define themselves beyond their gender. When they look at themselves, woman is all they see. Which is great, but they never seem to realize that a woman is a great thing to be. A woman is a giver of life, a nurturer, a definition of beauty, a source of strength, a leader just to name but a few. I have to admit when I was thinking about this topic I actually posed and asked myself, what are the chances that God is a woman? Valid question, see women are strong though not physically, their emotional strength is a force to recon with, they bring fourth life, they are beautiful and man is made in God’s image. :)

POTUS on his visit to Kenya while addressing Kenyatta University students admitted that women make better leaders. See, even powerful men recognize the strength of a woman. This begs the question then why the woman does not recognize her strength.

The world around the woman hardly aims at elevating her. The woman is crushed, broken and demeaned just for being a woman. The African society is best at this. Everyday for a woman is a struggle to prove herself. We may think we have won the fight for equality but the fight is far from over. We have women who develop a negative attitude towards life because of the pain caused by the men in their lives. Dads who still value their sons more than the daughters and men who treat their wives and girl friends like trash because they have self esteem issues and to feel powerful they pick on women’s weaknesses. It makes a man with low self esteem feel powerful when a woman begs for his mercy. It is the core of abuse in relationships and the woman feels worthless and unacceptable so she will stay at the only place she think she can be accepted.

However, what women need to realize is a that there is a power that lies within them to do great things. Delilah conquered the most powerful man. It was the feminine charm that made such a strong man lose his strength to a woman. Esther married a foolish King, but she used her beauty and wisdom even in a corrupt kingdom to save her tribesmen. The late Waangari Maathai; If you read her autobiography, you will feel the power of a woman’s struggle to save the environment that went largely unrecognized yet she still changed how the world handles the environment today. Rahab was a prostitute but she used her womanly wisdom to save two Israelite spies.

It does not matter who you are in society, you can make a difference. These women are no different from the woman you are now. You were born with that amazing wisdom, strength and power to do amazing things as a woman. This power is vested in every woman. Your job is to find this thing and release it.

Dear woman;

You are beautiful,

You are smart

You are funny,

You are kind

You are unique

You are worth y of love and affection

You are never too much and you are always enough

You are precious,

A rose, a diamond, the most stunning of all God’s creation.

You are worth more than you can ever imagine.

You are worth more than your weight, more than the value of your shoes.

Your worth does not increase with designer clothes.

You are worth much even when you are naked.

You are worth more than your career.

You are worth more than the number of girls who wish they were you,

and the number of men wish they had you.

Your worth surpasses all earthly things because in the eyes of God you are worth dying for.

Regardless of who you think you are,

Whether you look at the mirror and hate the image you see,

Whether you are a mother to child whose dad you do not know,

Whether you are such a winner, but an empty soul,

The truth is you deserve to be loved by someone who can give up their lives for you.

Because you are powerful, strong and capable.

Inside of you is a capability to change the world.

Your responsibility is to find that powerful woman inside you and set that woman free.

Because, you are that woman.

Go ahead woman, be awesome.

                                 Don’t you ever forget, to be awesome, woman!!

The Devil is Not a Toddler

There will always be situations in life that will make you realize that and the devil is not a toddler whom you dance around with singing silly songs in high pitched voices. He is also not your boy that you will negotiate terms and conditions in such situations. 

Here goes some;

1. You have always arrived to work in time. You get there, do your make up, read the business daily, see how the national airline is fairing, text your salonist and book an appointment for her to check on your hairline in the evening, pray and work starts flowing. This has been you for the last three years. Then this day you are told of a board meeting at 7am, which means you have to be at work by 6.30am. You work late the previous evening to ensure all necessary material for the meeting is ready. Your boss sends you a mail asking how ready you are for the meeting and your response? "I am on top of things, everything is going on well" Till the next morning when you wake up to the sunlight coming into your bedroom through the window. Its 8am and you are not dreaming.

2. You leave the club in good shape and great health. The kidneys decide to do the filtering a bit faster than they were doing as you were drinking and you get pressed as soon as the driver starts the engine. You nod to the music and sing along to keep your mind off the thought. You take the stairs in faith because you live on fourth floor and the grace is sufficient. But the lock wont open easy, you say a silent prayer and as soon as its open, it is actually open. :) The walk, no run, I mean sprint from the door to the loo is ten times longer than taking the stairs in slow motion and you still don't make in one piece. 

3. No sooner had you lathered your whole body in soap than the lights go off and you have to rinse off with cold water. Wuui

4. On a day like today, you leave home when the sun is shinning. You have been in a jacket and a scarf all week, so what a relief to dress less. Then as soon as you get to town, it starts to drizzle.

5. That one week you have not gone to the salon, because you din't have time or you want your hair do to be fresh for a certain event so you put up with two or three bad hair days, on the last day of your bad hair week, you meet your ex on your way home from work. Well well well..........

6. You buy this new dress and you know for sure you are going to turn heads in it.  On Monday morning, it fits a little tighter, as you walk down the stairs, the hind section does that thing of lifting the dress up with every stride. You get to ground floor and the care taker gives you this look and you confirm that for sure you need to change into something else. You rush up the stairs and on you way back, you trip and fall down the stairs. Its already ten minutes past your ideal time.

7. After a month of exams and burning the mid night oil every night, you decide to turn up and reward yourself . You wake up to a mammoth of a hangover the next day and your mum calls, she is at the gate, its a surprise :)

8. You get home late, but you are determined to cook a mean meal for yourself. You make the ugali and prepare the vegetables, as soon as you put meat on the fire. Gas goes off. The damn cylinder is done. 

9. What is the relationship between being on the "avoid alcohol" kind of medication and your best friend calling you for a random event by their company and its open bar?

10. Why does one get two great job offers at the same time and you have to choose? Hey blessings, make a queue, don't make me choose you , I love you all equally at different times. 

11. You plan a holiday trip with your pals. Make all bookings and arrangements, your are busy applying for your leave day when you get an email that there shall be a leave freeze for the next two months.

12. The day you do not iron your clothes at night you wake up to a black out.

13. The day yo carry some nice chicken curry for lunch to work is the day you get lunch dates. The day you have nothing, the only message you receive on your phone is Mshwari reminding you to pay the loan. 

14. You miss an office function for a friends party outside town and it sucks the life out of you.

15. Your friends tell you that you are not fit to drive home after a drinking spree. You argue and even manage to prove your sobriety to a reasonable level. The next thing, you are calling your friends with stories about how the alco blow guys wont accept 2k which is the only money in your pocket.

16. The day you are not in talking terms with your dude is when when some guy hits your Nisan March from behind on Thika road. You have to make the damn call. I mean its your orange Nissan March we are talking about. 

17. You always send the chama money in good time and with the withdrawal fee. This one time you forget to send on time and when you remember, the only money available on your mpesa is the flat fee no withdrawal fee. Its a bad day for the recipient, the next thing you are trending on the chama group. haha (insert emotion that laughs to tears). 

18. You leave work early and have no plot despite the fact that its a Friday. You decide #thetrend will be your thing that evening. Larry Madowo then decides to interview that ex jail bird who abused the president and has absolutely no clue of how to be sorry neither opinionated. I think he also has no clue of his age, you cant be so old at 22. Surely, you are making the real 22 year olds look like toddlers.

19. You start this post with an aim of getting 20 reasons and you are at numero 19 and you are too hungry to think further. Its cold and its 1.20 pm. Brain shuts!

The devil is not your boy....hehe but J.C ni baba yao :). 

Have a great weekend ahead and don't dance with the devil. 

All Good Things to the Left

As I sat right next

He stared, perplexed

Eyes all wet

Life can make you its pet

Situations make you turn left

After all good things have left

He had his hands cuffed

Ego slapped

He hoped situations would be turned

I looked at him and turned

I looked left

All good things seemed to have left

Yes he sat on my right

Said he got into a fight

He was only going through the plight

Of fighting a good fight

When for the dead he was left

And all good things seemed to have left

He always earned his daily bread

In harsh struggles as he was bred

But as the argument bred

The governments’ hand fled

And landed him almost dead

In blood drenched

They said he was a hooligan

Who was almost gunned down

Up and down the reporters ran

They reported a recovered gun

The news bulletin had to run

He was just a good gunner

A daily bread earner

Struggling to keep the burner

But the tunnel was getting darker

Bad times lasted longer

And there he sat looking left

Heart full of contempt

He turned and stared to the left

At the only beautiful thing left

As all good things seemed to have left

700 Words for 2014

Let’s raise our glasses……….

 

Only once in my whole life have I written down yearly goals and ticked off 90% of them. It’s got to be 2014.

Il make it 95% this evening when I walk into a store and get myself a toaster. Finally Il stop saying how much I need one every time I am having lazy bread. Toasted bread is active bread. I want an active 2015. 

In this year, this blog came to birth. I bore it to light a candle for my little boy. Id want him to be a writer if he can. If he fancies it. If he can believe that girls love men who write or at least read. If he can hear me say that intelligence is sexy and knowledge bears intelligence with time. I want him to know that if he ever wants to write, he should write. 

One more child was born. Mihasgifts. My little gift shop. Its little, it has no much publicity. But babies grow by the day and I am ready to feed this one to maturity. 

It has the name my Grandpa gave me. Mihas. I love it!! This name will be a brand one day. It’s a resilient name and defines exactly what id like the brand to be……….”it's all over”. That, I was told is the English translation of this name Mihas!!

Grandpa, the one man whom I have no words to describe.Your strength at 75 makes me look too old for my age. Man, you never give up. See how well you recovered from that wheel chair back in July now you are walking on your own. Guks, I love you more than you will ever understand. Probably it’s because I have daddy issues, but who cares, I love you. I enjoyed all the trips to the hospital because of how much difference in progress each visit gave. If I had my way, my lil man would bear your name somewhere at the end. Do they make certificates for double barreled kids whose second surname is from great grandpas? Am I a first? But I know he has your spirit. The lil champ is as naughty as you tell me you used to be. He’s also gentle to the ladies and does not pick petty fights. That is what you taught me is wisdom. May be he will be a Doctor like you. Dr. Kariuki J. Someday.

 I am looking forward to your 75^th birthday in two weeks time. You won’t read this blog so it will still be a surprise :).

Lil man turned one this year and we made it grand. Like I had wanted it to be, not exactly, but that’s why we shall out do ourselves at two. This life is short, let’s make good moments grand- that’s my news years’ motto.  

Lil man had corrective surgery for his umbilical cord. It’s not a story, its just that. A statement of fear and anxiety then power.

I fell in love.

This year, I loved to wake up to work. I loved the thought of working with great minds. I loved that I can read an article a day and feel like my I.Q just shot because I know a new word. So I fell in love with my job and books. The two are synonymous.  One time I almost gave up. But then again, it takes a day to learn that happiness is a choice you make every morning.

 I have redefined my style. I have become such a free spirit. I have guilelessly fallen in love with myself this year.

I went back to wearing spects. This blindness thing is not a joke. :)

Thank you so much for reading. It’s amazing how hard I smile when I look at the stats for this blog yet I still feel its so small. 

But you dear reader are big. You are the big reason I cannot go MIA forever.

Let’s make a toast…………. As I also get myself a toaster :).

 

 ………………………… to the new year!!