The Devil is Not a Toddler

There will always be situations in life that will make you realize that and the devil is not a toddler whom you dance around with singing silly songs in high pitched voices. He is also not your boy that you will negotiate terms and conditions in such situations. 

Here goes some;

1. You have always arrived to work in time. You get there, do your make up, read the business daily, see how the national airline is fairing, text your salonist and book an appointment for her to check on your hairline in the evening, pray and work starts flowing. This has been you for the last three years. Then this day you are told of a board meeting at 7am, which means you have to be at work by 6.30am. You work late the previous evening to ensure all necessary material for the meeting is ready. Your boss sends you a mail asking how ready you are for the meeting and your response? "I am on top of things, everything is going on well" Till the next morning when you wake up to the sunlight coming into your bedroom through the window. Its 8am and you are not dreaming.

2. You leave the club in good shape and great health. The kidneys decide to do the filtering a bit faster than they were doing as you were drinking and you get pressed as soon as the driver starts the engine. You nod to the music and sing along to keep your mind off the thought. You take the stairs in faith because you live on fourth floor and the grace is sufficient. But the lock wont open easy, you say a silent prayer and as soon as its open, it is actually open. :) The walk, no run, I mean sprint from the door to the loo is ten times longer than taking the stairs in slow motion and you still don't make in one piece. 

3. No sooner had you lathered your whole body in soap than the lights go off and you have to rinse off with cold water. Wuui

4. On a day like today, you leave home when the sun is shinning. You have been in a jacket and a scarf all week, so what a relief to dress less. Then as soon as you get to town, it starts to drizzle.

5. That one week you have not gone to the salon, because you din't have time or you want your hair do to be fresh for a certain event so you put up with two or three bad hair days, on the last day of your bad hair week, you meet your ex on your way home from work. Well well well..........

6. You buy this new dress and you know for sure you are going to turn heads in it.  On Monday morning, it fits a little tighter, as you walk down the stairs, the hind section does that thing of lifting the dress up with every stride. You get to ground floor and the care taker gives you this look and you confirm that for sure you need to change into something else. You rush up the stairs and on you way back, you trip and fall down the stairs. Its already ten minutes past your ideal time.

7. After a month of exams and burning the mid night oil every night, you decide to turn up and reward yourself . You wake up to a mammoth of a hangover the next day and your mum calls, she is at the gate, its a surprise :)

8. You get home late, but you are determined to cook a mean meal for yourself. You make the ugali and prepare the vegetables, as soon as you put meat on the fire. Gas goes off. The damn cylinder is done. 

9. What is the relationship between being on the "avoid alcohol" kind of medication and your best friend calling you for a random event by their company and its open bar?

10. Why does one get two great job offers at the same time and you have to choose? Hey blessings, make a queue, don't make me choose you , I love you all equally at different times. 

11. You plan a holiday trip with your pals. Make all bookings and arrangements, your are busy applying for your leave day when you get an email that there shall be a leave freeze for the next two months.

12. The day you do not iron your clothes at night you wake up to a black out.

13. The day yo carry some nice chicken curry for lunch to work is the day you get lunch dates. The day you have nothing, the only message you receive on your phone is Mshwari reminding you to pay the loan. 

14. You miss an office function for a friends party outside town and it sucks the life out of you.

15. Your friends tell you that you are not fit to drive home after a drinking spree. You argue and even manage to prove your sobriety to a reasonable level. The next thing, you are calling your friends with stories about how the alco blow guys wont accept 2k which is the only money in your pocket.

16. The day you are not in talking terms with your dude is when when some guy hits your Nisan March from behind on Thika road. You have to make the damn call. I mean its your orange Nissan March we are talking about. 

17. You always send the chama money in good time and with the withdrawal fee. This one time you forget to send on time and when you remember, the only money available on your mpesa is the flat fee no withdrawal fee. Its a bad day for the recipient, the next thing you are trending on the chama group. haha (insert emotion that laughs to tears). 

18. You leave work early and have no plot despite the fact that its a Friday. You decide #thetrend will be your thing that evening. Larry Madowo then decides to interview that ex jail bird who abused the president and has absolutely no clue of how to be sorry neither opinionated. I think he also has no clue of his age, you cant be so old at 22. Surely, you are making the real 22 year olds look like toddlers.

19. You start this post with an aim of getting 20 reasons and you are at numero 19 and you are too hungry to think further. Its cold and its 1.20 pm. Brain shuts!

The devil is not your boy....hehe but J.C ni baba yao :). 

Have a great weekend ahead and don't dance with the devil.