Give Power Back to the Man this International Women’s Day!

It is March again, that time of the year when we get to celebrate the woman and her achievements world over. 

Today, the stage is set for celebrations; forums will be held to discuss on women empowerment, condemn violence against women, and award women in science, technology and all other male dominated industries. Reports will be released with a focus on women’s contribution to economic growth, innovation, politics and other sectors previously preserved for men. Social media will go a buzz with positive posts to celebrate the female achievers, congratulate the leaders and encourage upcoming ones in different sectors. The previously considered weaker sex will prove its prowess to itself and the world once more. Several post will detail on how difficult it is to exist as a woman and advocate for fair treatment. Fair here will be used to mean giving priority to the female gender which in reality will be a bias. Because as it has become, equality is no longer equal. Welcome to the 21^st century where the girl child has taken over and the boy child been neglected.

In the recent past, Africa has been on the rise on matters gender equality. This has seen the culture of neglecting the girl child and relegating her to household chores and marriage as her ultimate goal in life take a back seat. Educated women have become fashionable and society celebrates them. They are accorded more respect than their male counterparts with the same achievements. That statement however, would leave a bad taste in anyone’s mouth if they believe in gender balance.

In today's’ society and as was in the past, it is believed that the boy should be strong. The difference between today and the past however is the underlying factor that is eating away the value of the boy child. In the past, the boy child was brought up to become a man of valor, a pillar of strength and an achiever of all things great. Weak men were not given a change to exist. Boys were mentored into strength, courage and ambition. Today however, such guidance is rare, all focus has shifted to empowering the girl child. Unfortunately, the same society still holds the opinion that; placed under the same testing environment as their female counterparts, boys should perform better.

Equality should result in a balanced allocation of opportunities, resources and love to all parties involved. There exists very few programs if any that are purely dedicated to the empowerment of the boy child. The mention of the boy child comes in under the youth, which basically comprises both gender. It is not equality if there more tender allocations by the government to the women just for being female. If there are budgetary allocations to women for their economic empowerment programs and none for the men. The same applies for employment opportunities that state they are equal opportunity employers then go ahead and encourage female candidates to apply. It then begs the question if male candidates are discourages to apply. Does anyone see this other side of the coin? How much of being female guarantees that one will deliver more than their male counterparts fighting for the same opportunity. Equality should be equal. Let all people compete for the same resources and the best be selected on merit and not gender. If female then, so be it.

The pressure to be successful in a society that barely celebrates your success has set the boy child up for failure. Societal roles such as parenting that have absolutely no manual are now a measuring unit for “real men”. It is not for a man not to be able to deal with such challenges, and the females have already set the standards. Expectations of one to behave in a certain way, earn a certain amount of income and lead a predetermined lifestyle for one to be eligibly considered man enough to raise a family is a notion has seen the rise of many single parent families headed by women. As the saying goes among the females, it is said; “he wasn't man enough for me.” Obviously, “man enough “ is a measuring unit that the man in the given situation did not live up to and in most cases, he probably did not even have “man enough” spelled out to him before the test was on.” The result of this is men who feel inadequate as parents and opt to exit the two parent family set up and raise their children either by themselves or from a distance.

The intention to empower the girl child was right but along the way it has birthed a neglected boy child. But all is not lost. Society needs to go back in time and realize that the need for equality calls for a balance on both sides of the equation. A society of equal opportunities must be set to recover the situation before the boy child loses value in the current set up.

It is said to give power is to remain powerful. As the women get celebrated by the world this year, she can give power back to the man without taking away her crown. Women should realize that time has come for them to get to positions by merit and not selections and appointments based on gender. To get elected into leadership positions for their experience, skills and achievements and not just because they are female. To work for an equal society beginning right from the family set up because their sons will in the future need women who will love them as wives and encourage them to become the men they were born to be. It is time to tilt the seesaw and balance it if we really mean to have a balance in gender equality.

Happy International Women’s Day!

29 Lessons I Have Learnt in the Last two Years.

Photo Credit; Here

Happy new year. It may be late for you but for me it actually feels so new now more than ever.

I began the year with a countdown to my birthday which was special because the last day of the job I have done the last two years.

After this post in which I had lost all hope, I sat down and decided to go back to the drawing board. I wanted to take a whole new direction career wise but my mentor could not hear none of it. I wanted to stop being mentored and just be let to make decisions that I thought were right for me but thank God for calm people in this world.

I came back to my senses when this question "so what is the short term plan? Because what you have is good but long term." was thrown at me. These kind of people are a bit annoying at such moments, and so I made two short term plans both of which had persistence as the main ingredient. Eventually after hard work, persistence like that of the proverbial widow and prayer without ceasing, it paid off. I couldn't hold my tears when I got the positive news. I was elated, it is not much but the joy of seeing something you have worked so hard for succeeds is always amazing.


There are a few lesson I have picked along the way and I will share them with you below. Some will make sense while some, well let us just say people have different perspectives in life.

1. In life, you need a mentor and as hard as it may seem to always ask the opinion of someone over something concerning your life, if you want to grow, you cannot avoid this.

2. Know when to walk away; not all situations have a positive side.

3. If it is draining you, it is time to make a change.

4. Your network is your net worth. Make friends at every opportunity you get.

5. Celebrate small victories but do not get comfortable in them, aim higher after every step.

6. Positive energy bounces back to you in equal measure but not necessarily same speed, give it either way.

7. Depersonalize failure ; things do not always go as planned and it has nothing to do with you. Failure is failure and so is success, it is not about certain people, it is about situations.

8. Getting a passion and going after it is a great thing. It is mind occupying and at the same time it lets you compete with yourself. The eventual result is growth as you achieve certain personal goals.

9. Things happen the way they do for a reason but that should not make us resign to fate, instead make the right choices with the end in mind.

10. Always have the end in mind and work out the plan to get there. Without the end, we are heading nowhere.

11. Read wide. I am not the best of readers but I try and I can tell you that reading makes you see the world through a different window.

12. Do not be afraid to shine.

13. Work out, It makes you feel good about yourself even.

14. Believe in the beauty of your dreams. If you can not see how beautiful your future is, you cannot convince the world to see it and you cannot work towards it. Something has to motivate you and that thing is a mental picture of what you want to be like, to have or to own in the future.

15. To thy own self ; be true.

16. If it involves pleasing people , do it but not for long because it will take away your self esteem.

17. If what you do is all you have at that particular time, love it, do it with passion. Working from a point of love is essential, it makes you happy. Happy people deliver good results. The question that you will always be asked is; how do you do it? Even if you say it is love, people will not  understand.

18. Try new things, you never know what new talent you may discover.

19. Keep time, it makes you look organised even if you are not. :)

20. Do not hate the player nor the game, hate the fact that there is nothing you are doing about it and change that.

21. Get a system to deal with anger and disappointments. Do not let it weigh you down, neither let them make you negatively affect those around you.

22. Laugh, it heals wounds.

23. Make friends across all age brackets, older people will give you wisdom, children will ask you thought provoking questions, young people will make you realize that life is never that serious and your age mates should challenge you.

24. Forgive people, yourself included.

25. At any given time , whatever you do, give your best , not for anything but so that you can leave a legacy. Let it be said, "there once worked a girl here who gave her best" about you.

26. If boiling an ocean is what you have to do to earn a living, do it. Do what you have to do to stay relevant. It is a fast paced world, if you slow down or get too comfortable. you will soon be obsolete. Remember to never sink in your ocean.

27.Never forget the days of your humble beginnings, let them inspire you to greater heights.

28. It is better to be peaceful than to be right. This is the most important lesson.

29. Last but not least, commit all your plans to God and he will make your path straight.

Taking Stock for 2015

The year is quickly coming to a close. Amazingly, It has ended in a way that I wished for but never expected. God has shone his face on me. It is like watching the sunset on a beach. The view is breath taking and the feeling it gives is uplifting. It remains in your mind, beautifully weaved together for you to remember and smile. I am excited about 2016. I don't remember being this excited about a new year. I am walking into it with so much energy because I know God has better things in store for me if I keep believing him.


Making: New friends at every chance I get. Your network is your net-worth.

Hoping: To diversify my writing next year. To write better articles and impact more people through my blog posts.

Cooking: No, baking more often than before. So far, lemon cake is my best. 

Drinking: Less tea and coffee and more water.

Reading: Those nursery school books everyday. I am teaching the little man how to 

read. Yesterday during our reading session I realized that these new generation kids are 

not a joke. In his alphabet book , I is for Ice cream and J is fr Jeep. I think I knew a Jeep 

while in high school. J was for jump, I was for insect :).  #goals #generationZmaybe  

Wanting: New challenges everyday. I want to hang around people who are bubbling with energy and bursting with ideas like they are paid to think.

Looking: Forward to the new year :).

Playing: That song "Moto ya kuotea mbali" in my head nonstop. I cant stop myself.

Wasting: No time in terms of goal setting and chasing.

Sewing: Nothing at all.

Wishing: I can get a watch for New Years or for just existing :).

Enjoying: Coming to work over the Holiday season. There is absolutely no traffic.

Waiting: For January to start. The month has only 20 working days but there is so much to do plus, hey it my birthday month. 

Liking: That Domino's Pizza opened a store right opposite our office. A slice once a while wont hurt :). 

Wondering: Whether I am the only one with so much psyche for 2016. 

Loving: The color pink more everyday.

Marveling: At God's love upon me and my family in 2015.

Needing: A mentor. A high flying female in the corporate world. Recommendations can come.

Smelling: Some chicken pies from the kitchen. 

Wearing: Pink, black and nude heels.

Following: Nothing.

Noticing: That I have added weight over the festive season. Njaanuary will work on it though, no worries.

Knowing: I am better than I was last year like now.

Thinking: That I should buy myself these three books  ; The Tipping Point, The Rules of Power and Purple Hibiscus by Chimamanda. I should start the new year on a bright drive.

Feeling: Excited knowing that mid next year my little man joins school. I don't know how I will manage to hold back my tears when I see him in uniform. 

Bookmarking: Many blogs on Agriprenuership. 

Opening: My desk to take out lip balm.

Giggling: At nothing really.

New beginnings are nothing if you do not transform that energy into something useful.

Go ahead and celebrate, but remember there are 364 days ahead for you to execute your plans. Wake up everyday and remember what excited you about that new beginning, ignite that fire and keep going.

You will feel like stopping, going slower and generally being in doubt, but always find a new reason to go on. If you cant find, remember why you started. If it still does not inspire you, remember you have so many people you need to prove wrong, do not let anyone ever define you as a failure. Be a success in your own terms. 

Thank you so much for reading all through 2015.
Happy new year.

I Hit Rock Bottom While Aiming for the Sky.

Focus is when you put all your energy, thoughts, hopes and aspirations in something you believe in. When you focus, you hardly hear the wind pass. You concentrate, you get immersed, lost and suddenly you are defining a new self. When you believing in something so much, you start envisioning yourself in it, with it or being it. You lose yourself.

This has been me the last two to three months. I wanted this new job position so much. I chased managers across the corridors and asked leading questions. I knew the positions were opening but I dint know when and so I kept tabs on every new change. 

When you want to find a husband, you put yourself out there. It is the same thing with finding a job. I was out there more than It is needed. :)

People started to notice me, I took part in almost all group activities, heck I even anchored the news on the t.v channel at our workplace. Yes we have t.v channel . That was a good night, that night I was on air. I was almost a celebrity overnight, people poured out hearty congratulations as others were amazed that I had the courage to do that. 

The thing is, I am told I have a misleading face. People meet me and think I am uptight and serious,probably even boring but I think they are the ones who have a problem because after sometime they actually admit it " I never knew you were this talkative, or funny or whatever else adjectives they feel like using to describe my happy self. I am used to being profiled by the seriousness on my face and I keep wondering, should I go smiling around like a smiling machine or what do they exactly mean when the say " You are too serous"?

The job positions opened up and you can bet I was first to drop in my application. Five minutes after a communication was sent that the vacancies were open, candidate number one was already waiting. I did a lot of following up weeks later to  ensure that it had actually been received. On the weekend before the interview, I locked my self indoors and read manuals and websites. I was more prepared than was required as I realized during the interview because that was the first time I had been in front of a panel that nodded when I talked and one that I actually got to interview a little because I felt like they dint pose a challenge big enough for me . They were done; I actually got myself asking "Is that all?" Where was I to take all this information on Forex, FDIs, Dispora banking and all those things? I dint want to use the next time, I dint see a next time. I walked out of that room feeling proud of myself.  

Meet the brand ambassador for the night :)
Behind that smile were tears that needed to flow.

 A week later, I was selected among other people to be a brand ambassador for the new brand. It was a great feeling, a premonition of better things to come. The wait for my interview results was painful because doubt would creep in now and then. But I held on to my faith. Word on the corridors was that I was second in ranking. My competition must have been born way earlier than I was because the only thing she had above me was experience. I was happy because number two counts too. But time went and there was no communication and finally it dawned on me that the only place to be is at the top. Average does not cut it. I was not ready for such news. I broke down. It was the day were to hold the event where I doing the brand ambassador roles. I was not happy. Behind my smile were tears that could occasionally make me visit the washrooms more often than normal. I wanted to scream and curse. I wanted to hate whom ever took my job. I was not prepared for failure. I hit rock bottom .

This post comes from a point of pain. A point where self acceptance is needed but there is not enough to give. But the pen takes away  my pain in a way I cannot explain. So I thought about; it not conclusive thoughts. They were scattered all over and they dint even care to gather and make sense. I decided to write about it. 

Because in life no situation is unique to you. Some one must have gone through the same, another may need to hear that someone like you can actually fail. There maybe one wondering why she is alone in failure. Here is to those who have aimed for the sky and fallen for the stars, we have to keep trying, better still, change strategy but we must get what we want because we deserve the best. 

This is beside the point but hey, I googled the meaning of Mihas, and this is what I found: http://www.meaninglike.com/what-does-name-stand-for/mihas timely, right?

Cheers!

Lets Make Love

 

I have either been listening out for negative talk or I am just dealing with too many negative people around me lately. I hear negativity all around these days. People who want to dampen others' spirits, those who think they can validate their existence by making others feel worthless, humanity is constantly hurt by humans.

It gets to a point where I predict what someone will say negatively so that when the outcome is contrary to my perceived thought, I celebrate.  At times, self doubt kicks in after a negative comment and you may actually lose faith in yourself in the process. That is how humans kills silently. By shutting others up, mostly with mundane ideologies drawn from their own inadequacies. 

Here is the thing, yesterday I had a really bad day. I had tears welling up in my eyes every seven minutes or so. It started the previous evening, someone tried very hard to make me feel worthless and abused my intelligence needless to say that it was in public. I was enraged and when I am, I don’t talk or cry, I smile and I hate it. I don’t know where this stupid fake smile comes from. But it always confuses the other person.

There was a permanent thing around my neck. The thing that makes you feel like you want to swallow a potato but you can’t. It was my neck ornament for the day.  I tried wearing heels to feel good. Marilyn Monroe said good shoes lift moods, right? Well it dint work. I called my mother. This is supposed to be the ultimate drill to change moods, well let’s just say it just dint feel any better. By evening, I was still in a foul mood. But my face was all things happy, I smiled, laughed and would hear my soul struggling to keep its sorrow amidst the laughter.

When I was leaving the office, my friend called me for a coffee date. “Not a bad way to end a bad day” I thought. We had a little chit chat, catching up and she asked me a question that made me realize, there was no reason at all to focus on the negative things in life. She found it amazing how I juggle being a mum, a wife, a career woman and still do other stuff on the side. I said I have it in me, that energy to keep going.  I listened to my self say those words and I smiled. I had it in me, all this while. I had it in me to stay positive and not let any other person bring me down.

On my way home after the date, wait, I have a colleague who insists if its a meeting between two girls or two men its not a date but a meeting. But this was, Monica had this hoarse voice from a cold she got as a way to welcome her back to her motherland. Her voice was so bad you should have seen how people stared when we laughed out loud. You could see them conclude by raising their eyebrows that we were on a date and that Monica was the one :) Hahaha get well soon and enjoy your stay.

Where were we, ooh going home. I thought of people who face so much negativity and have still not realized that they have it within them to stay positive and said I will let them know how to stay positive among negative people; 

1. Limit the time you spend with people of negative energy.  

2. Know that you are the best version of yourself, accept that and never try to be anyone else.

3. Weird is rad. Many people think that just because you are not like them, then you are weird, you’re thought processes are skewed, may be unacceptable, because it not normal, well that's okay, weird is rad, rock it!

4. Know what is best for you, listen to advice since negative people are always willing to offer it, then go ahead and do what ever it is you were going to do anyway. 

5. Expect less. 

6. Feed on positive thoughts and store up for a rainy day.

7. Spread positivism to others, it renews you.

8.  Analyze people. No, really, know the people you are dealing with, that way you their actions won’t surprise you. 

9. Do not answer to a negative thought, it may damaged you. Refer to no. 1.

10. Love covers all things, spread it.

                        Lets make love, not damaged humans!!

You Are Awesome, Woman!

 I have had a hard time thinking about how to blog on this issue. It has been weighing me down for various reason. Today someone sent me a video that I watched and it gave me a beautiful insight.

Who are you? It starts by asking. Top of my mind was; "I am a woman."  And sure enough it was about women.

There are many women who cannot define themselves beyond their gender. When they look at themselves, woman is all they see. Which is great, but they never seem to realize that a woman is a great thing to be. A woman is a giver of life, a nurturer, a definition of beauty, a source of strength, a leader just to name but a few. I have to admit when I was thinking about this topic I actually posed and asked myself, what are the chances that God is a woman? Valid question, see women are strong though not physically, their emotional strength is a force to recon with, they bring fourth life, they are beautiful and man is made in God’s image. :)

POTUS on his visit to Kenya while addressing Kenyatta University students admitted that women make better leaders. See, even powerful men recognize the strength of a woman. This begs the question then why the woman does not recognize her strength.

The world around the woman hardly aims at elevating her. The woman is crushed, broken and demeaned just for being a woman. The African society is best at this. Everyday for a woman is a struggle to prove herself. We may think we have won the fight for equality but the fight is far from over. We have women who develop a negative attitude towards life because of the pain caused by the men in their lives. Dads who still value their sons more than the daughters and men who treat their wives and girl friends like trash because they have self esteem issues and to feel powerful they pick on women’s weaknesses. It makes a man with low self esteem feel powerful when a woman begs for his mercy. It is the core of abuse in relationships and the woman feels worthless and unacceptable so she will stay at the only place she think she can be accepted.

However, what women need to realize is a that there is a power that lies within them to do great things. Delilah conquered the most powerful man. It was the feminine charm that made such a strong man lose his strength to a woman. Esther married a foolish King, but she used her beauty and wisdom even in a corrupt kingdom to save her tribesmen. The late Waangari Maathai; If you read her autobiography, you will feel the power of a woman’s struggle to save the environment that went largely unrecognized yet she still changed how the world handles the environment today. Rahab was a prostitute but she used her womanly wisdom to save two Israelite spies.

It does not matter who you are in society, you can make a difference. These women are no different from the woman you are now. You were born with that amazing wisdom, strength and power to do amazing things as a woman. This power is vested in every woman. Your job is to find this thing and release it.

Dear woman;

You are beautiful,

You are smart

You are funny,

You are kind

You are unique

You are worth y of love and affection

You are never too much and you are always enough

You are precious,

A rose, a diamond, the most stunning of all God’s creation.

You are worth more than you can ever imagine.

You are worth more than your weight, more than the value of your shoes.

Your worth does not increase with designer clothes.

You are worth much even when you are naked.

You are worth more than your career.

You are worth more than the number of girls who wish they were you,

and the number of men wish they had you.

Your worth surpasses all earthly things because in the eyes of God you are worth dying for.

Regardless of who you think you are,

Whether you look at the mirror and hate the image you see,

Whether you are a mother to child whose dad you do not know,

Whether you are such a winner, but an empty soul,

The truth is you deserve to be loved by someone who can give up their lives for you.

Because you are powerful, strong and capable.

Inside of you is a capability to change the world.

Your responsibility is to find that powerful woman inside you and set that woman free.

Because, you are that woman.

Go ahead woman, be awesome.

                                 Don’t you ever forget, to be awesome, woman!!

State of a Failed Society... Mollis

I logged on to twitter yesterday evening and I found this trending topic #Mollis, curiously, I tried to see what it was about Mollis. Apparently, he is some hero to whom a girl has surrendered. My interest was to see how far KOT had gone with raising #1MilliForJadudi, I realized the topic was trending but not high ranking, its fine anyway. I do a few re-tweets and hope this two or three of my followers will be touched and give something. My contribution was little, so I have to top it up by raising awareness.

In my WhatsApp groups, Mollis is being mentioned again, but it is evening, that time to go see what my son has been up to all day.  I hardly have time to be on the Internet at night. I dedicate these hours to my family.

On my way to work, I read then take a short nap. Once in the office, I see this Mollis thing again and now am too curious. I put on my eye phones and listen to what will turn out to be the most disturbing audio I have listened to after one where a guy did a remix of Sauti Sol's Nerea song and tells Waithera to just get an abortion because the baby she is carrying may turn out to be Osama, or Onyancha or which ever bad personality we know of in this failed society.

I am not sure I was born at the right time, my generation may be in graves by now or maybe they are grand mothers in old people homes. Because I do not understand how a woman in pain during intercourse tells the guy that she is tired and the guy asks her to shut up and stop being silly is funny. How? How do we as a society sit down and decide that this woman's pain is our source of joy and we go ahead and send the audio to other people whom we think are of the same mind?

When I listened to that audio clip, my hands trembled and I was in shock. I tried to listen to the part where it gets funny and I found none. That guy does not care one bit about the lady and he is punishing her for having human desires. Sex should be an act of pleasure and never a one man show. (Pun fully intended). This lady is obviously not feeling the pleasure.

I thought about how many times women take such abuse and assume that it is normal, how many  women suffer in silence because sex is a taboo topic in African setting.
 How men who have lost face in society are seeking to redeem their egos by abusing women sexually. My heart broke at the thought that this may happen to any woman out there and she will not voice it out because this society will side with the supposed hero. Sexual abuse does not have to be violent. Any sexual act done against a woman's will is abuse and if we can not recognise that as a society, we are a failed generation ready to birth a failed nation.
This is the same guy you will tell you are pregnant and he will tell you to procure an abortion because the baby may be a criminal, of course heartless just like his father.

Its is these small seeds of evil we are planting in society today that are growing to be tall tress in the name of rogue pastors who kill people and get away with murder in broad day light and corrupt leaders, Of course when Mollis gets a position in government or maybe he is already there he will oppose the appointment of a lady  . Because any man who aims to gratify his ego by sexually harassing women has very low self esteem and hence sees a woman as a threat. That is why he takes advantage of her point of weakness.

If the mothers of today can stand up and decide to raise a generation of children who respect human life, boys who will grow to love respect and honor women of all ages and girls who will grow with the knowledge that they are no less of a human being because they are female, then we shall have succeeded in redeeming this failed society.

Some will say that this is an exaggerated point of view and that life is too short to try and solve every body's problem, so because it has happened, lets laugh about it. But I say life is too short to celebrate evil. I may not change as many as five souls but that one soul that will have a different perspective after reading this may have been the Mollis that  may have sexually abused your daughter in future .

A Book for Life.

Life is like a book, you can’t keep reading the same chapter

no matter how much you enjoyed the last chatter,

you got to look at the page there after.

And keep the mojo to the last chapter.

Some pages are just for banter,

You got to be the master.

Life is like a book, you write your own.

Each day is a blank page, make it worth a pawn.

It will not be understandable to many, its yours to own.

Your dream to reach, success to achieve, your pain to moan.

Make it count, you are destined for a greatness you’ll own.

Live the life of a book reader, open up your mind.

Love book lovers, the best insights you will find.

Fall in love in a book store, it will spin your mind.

Book an appointment with a nerd, pick his mind.

Stay young, age doesn't, matter if you don’t mind.

A good book will haunt you at night

It will give you potential and insight.

Until you have reached the height

Of greatness despite the plight.

Then you’ll have won the fight.

Life is a book, read it, write it, live it then leave it.

Dad, lets Celebrate Mum……….

Within a few hours of anyone hanging out with me in one of those meetings that always start with an unspoken “let me know you more” rule, it’s obvious for anyone to pick that I was raised by a single mother. I mention my mum probably from the third sentence.

“My mum took me to boarding school in class six.” I will start. “She took me to go to an all girls nun’s school. If am nervous around men, blame my upbringing.” My date will give a half smile and think I can’t be the shy type. My face will convince him, but my sweaty palms will be just grateful that there is not going to by a handshake anytime soon.

In the next hour, if the date is that interesting, he will be sure to know that my grandfather is my father figure. “Yes I have a nick name,” IL say when asked to give a fancier name than my first, which I must mention is fancy by all means, but to conform, IL drop Mihas. “Sounds Latin” IL probably be told. Am yet to come to terms with how much flattery can be associated with a name. IL chuckle, you can be excused to think IL be impressed. It’s a Kikuyu name but that IL not mention. What is important is that my grandfather gave it to me and I like it a lot. If he can listen to all that, he can ask me on a second one without fear of me saying IL be going home to do my laundry because I like my clothes to have a personal touch.

Today however it’s not about my date, or my grandpa. I want to write to my father. 

Dear Dad, 

The last time I wrote you a letter was in 2001. I was in class eight. I had asked you for 2000 shillings to go on a trip to the Coast. You know those trips, they give the K.C.P.E candidates just before the exam so that if they fail and get nothing out of school they can at least say they went on a trip? Yes.

You did not reply, I did not expect you to. 

For two reasons; One, you had never written me a letter, ever!! Grandpa wrote me several. Though I could hardly read his medic influenced handwriting, I treasured them and made sure I replied. He never used to read my replies till I close school and I visited him, then he’d remember the letter and wed read it together. I also don’t know why he did that. The second reason why I did not expect a reply was because it was mum’s idea to write the letter. 

Mum always had these crazy ideas that never seemed to work. Do you know she made us move into our then “new” house when the roof was half done and the doors were in place but not functional? We used the window as our entry and exit point for several weeks as we waited for the doors to dry up and strongly fit in place. I wrote about it in a composition when I went back to school and won an award for most creative piece. I was not creative, it was true. Based on the above and other crazy things she made me do, I only gave you a benefit of doubt when I wrote that letter. 

Had you replied, what would the letter have said? “Here is the money use it wisely?” Or something like, “I have worked very hard to earn this money, work as hard in your exams so that you can have a better life.” I want to convince myself that they would be kind words but you would capitalize on the money because something in me tells me you are a little bit mean. 

Thou shall not feel judged by the above statement at all. You know one can’t really know a persons’ character by meeting them an average of five times in twenty something years, three of which you were barely a teenager and the other two hardly lasted for an hour. I bet you also don’t know me. I can imagine you think am a spoilt brat. Or that I hate you. The thing is, I really can’t find the love that daughters have for their dads. Its not there in my heart. I either traded all of it, or it died due to lack of nurturing. So there is no hate, just that love is really, non existent.

  I however saved your number after you called me a few months ago. Although I must admit that I struggled with how to save you. Dad? Well the image I have of you does not fit this word. Father? Too remote. Buda? Id laugh every time I received a text from this one. Sounds very much like a sugar daddy. 

I call grandpa “Guks”, everybody does, and he’s cools with it. He actually loves it, you should hear him call me and say “Mr. Guks hapa!!” Don’t know why he introduces himself. Like I can confuse his number or even worse, his voice for anyone else? Nigga please.

So where were we? I thought of cramming your number so that I don’t have to save it but when you call I know it is you. Well, the flip side is that I sometimes have these crazy days, where I sit with my friends and we celebrate something from Durban and as the Jameson sinks in, your call may come through. Have you ever been invited to a drink up by a person who later asks “And who is this by the way?” Well, you don’t want me to be that person either. 

 I finally did settle on something, but I must make a confession. I had to ask a close pal who has a good relationship with the dad for a few suggestions. This may not be a big deal to you, but it goes to show you how much of stranger the years we have been apart have turned us into. I am not sure if we lived together it would have be any different. I still think love would be non existence, so I applaud mum for not pretending to be nurturing love where it never was in the first place. 

You see dad, it’s hard to write a letter to anyone with whom you do not have a certain level of connection. It is even harder to write to you with out mentioning mum. When people mention dads, the image that flashes though my mind is that of mum followed by grandpa.

You are getting older, Id want to be close to you, and allow you to atone for your sins. But I can’t, at least not fully. Instead I look at my mother in awe everyday. The way she never compromised on the quality of my education. By the way, so you know, I know you left because mum insisted on taking me to an expensive school which was by then a little bit beyond her means and you did not want to help financially. Well we made it through. I can proudly say that my mum paid all my school fees by herself and I was never out of school for more than two days in a term. You can dance on those two days, but that will mean nothing because to me, they were just another break from school monotony.

People make wrong choices in life. Many of which hunt them to the graves. I bet you did not imagine id turn out so bright. You also did not think chubby cheeks were beautiful. May be girls did not bring you much pride. Well, you were wrong. I am sure mum has rubbed it on your face enough times that I am a bright girl. Are you on Instagram? You can look at my pictures and if you do not see beauty, then it’s because your eyes are contaminated with hatred, it’s an ugly thing. I influence a few people in life and even though you will always tell me how you wish me well in life, I am sure you also do not believe I am that little girl you left fatherless. Well am not. I am a better person. When you left her, mum became all I had. A resilient woman and taught me to be just like her.  

This is letter is to you but not about you. Nothing much in my life will ever be about you. It’s too late for that. Its mother’s month, I hope you take this chance to celebrate my mother with me. To appreciate the woman who did not throw away the child you rejected. To thank her for her tireless effort to make your daughter a successful woman in society. She had every right to walk out on me like you did, give me poor quality education or even trade me into child labor but she chose the noble thing.Do not buy her a dress, I doubt you know her size. Don’t buy her a shoe, she will never wear it. Do not ask her out for lunch, she will probably be having a special date. Just call her and tell her thank you for raising the child you rejected. 

Happy mothers day mum. I love you.