Night Nurse

It happens that for some reason, I always land myself in neighborhoods where one or two 

people next door floor or flat are a little bit crazy if not weird. I previously had a neighbor 
who beat up his house help. Coward!! Another would pass behind the house every morning at exactly 6am shouting in Kikuyu" I am a boy who was born bald, my father is bald too." I never got to understand this last one, but I used him as an alarm clock. I hated him on weekends though.

This new one deserves an award for disturbing the stillness of the night. He does it every end month. He should actually first get a 20% pay cut. This will not only help us work towards a peaceful neighbor hood but also a sustainable government wage bill cc. Mr. President.

I shall for purposes of this story call my neighbor Oscar, he deserves it.   I know Oscar get loans from a lady called Rehab. He told us the last time he was high. By us I mean the whole of 10^th street. It must have been jet fuel. Normal alcohol cannot permit this kind of public linen washing even if it’s at night. Rehab had given him 8,000sh and he swore not to pay it, he would rather die. (His words).

I don’t know what deal this guy had struck yesterday but it was a big deal. It deserved a celebration. There was no other reason to quantify noises in the night yet its barely mid month.

3 am in the night; “I shall die tonight” came a voice, “Call Recce squad and CID, I want to die.” The thin line between my sleep and reality only allows me to think stupid. “Nowadays terrorists announce before they attack?” I jump out of bed onto the balcony. What follows is a series of evens that ends up wit me transforming into a night nurse taking care of a drunken neighbor whose wife is too pissed to even show face. This Oscar guy was at his balcony on the first floor. His wife is too tired of his mellow drama. She refuses to open for him. I imagine its for the fact that its not end month, she is always has a big heart every end month.

Oscar wanted to die, so that he does not pay a debt to Rehab!! Again, I am not sure is Rehab is a side kick or the wife, either way she is a rich woman who lends money to people so that they can drink and start shouting in the unholy hours. He jumped from the first floor. Drunkards don’t die easily. I watched him claim probably his 4^th life. I panic not; it was like a movie, the kind that make you cringe. What would Jesus do? Probably get angry that we no longer care to live? Or curse alcohol? I ran down stairs. Oscar was bleeding, just a few scratches on his left leg. He warned nobody should come near him unless you are giving him food. Poor man, he must have been very hungry. I had a little rice remaining in the house, a crowd is obviously gathering. I bring back the rice; just warm enough for a drunken man.

 

As he sat there to eat, we were treated to drunken stories of how he, a government official at the office of the registration of persons enjoys registering new born babies. He says some names are very weird, he registered a Fantaleo on this day and Draculine is a name too. This is apparently the reason he is celebrating. Really?! The 20% pay cut. CC. Mr. President.

Someone brought him ice cubes for his bleeding leg when he said he does not go to hospitals unless its to celebrate the birth of a Draculine :-). All these conversations by him are still being conducted at very high volumes. By now most neighbors are back in their beds dreaming of a more peaceful neighbor hood and probably wishing that Oscar moves. I am waiting for my bowl, its my only bowl though I am not sure il use it again. Do not ask what happened to his wife, she must have been in there strategising on how she will hail blows on me or maybe throw me off her balcony on first floor. Oscar blacked out right after the last spoon. Onto the cold floor, dead sleep.

Its already 5am. Did that guy just consume my rice plus two hours of sleep?  I walk up to the house and straight to the bathroom. If the Lord would come today and ask me why I will be dozing off in meetings, I will say I am a night nurse and hope Oscar did not like my company otherwise he will now jump off buildings every night.