Why Kikuyu Women are Bad Cooks………..or so you think.

Mount Kenya men have been stepped on; someone just said their women are the worst and laziest cooks. This came from the land of night runners. Let me put it across that I still do matoke and creamed spinach on a weekly. These bros aint loyal!!

 The men from Central will not stand to defend their women. No, they are busy running the enterprise, the country and the continent. Food is a small issue these side of the Sahara. In fact, it is an abomination to argue with anybody over food. An old man cannot curse you over food related issues. (Yes I know my culture).

Kikuyu men are busy people. It’s unlikely to find a one with only one source of income. If there is, he has plans to diverse his sources in the very near future. Their vision is to secure the lives of their wives, children, parents, in-laws, the clan and the country. Visioners!!

Their visions run beyond the family. It boils down to “who will be the president when my son is done with college? Security, cashless systems and all things money. Such decisions are crucial. They are made by men. Family men, each in their own capacity as head of the family. Then it is discussed; in a local bar somewhere over tusker and tumbukiza. The clan agrees on the way forward. When the decision is being made, every head is involved. The waiter, the bar manger, the cook, every man counts. That is why there is no time to marinate the meat for 38 minutes and then grill it at 52 degrees for 43 minutes. Who has the time to waste watching, monitoring and evaluating a vain thing like food?! The meat therefore is put on low heat with a little water. You can call it boiling, we call it steaming. There is freedom of choice right? Thank you…..the meat steams. 

As the big talk takes a break, add the potatoes and vegetables. Steam for a few more minutes. The nyanyas and hohos can go in at this time too. No harm, its all going to the same stomach anyway. When the talks are done, the food is ready. Tusker is a good accompaniment to tumbukiza. Keep the economy growing……keep the drinks coming. 

Back home, Mama Shiru has spent the whole day at her salon, making sure the enterprise goes on. Several clients have claimed not to be able to make their own vegetables when they get home since it’s always late and they are tired. Mama Shiru is now strategically thinking of how to convert the balcony of her salon into a “mama mboga” shade. That is another branch onto the enterprise tree. Some one will gain employment. Her cousin Wanja who just cleared high school in Muran’ga and did not preform so well will take up that job as she waits to go to college, if she ever does. If you have not realized by now, it’s not a tribe it’s an enterprise. The present decisions are made with the future in mind. 

That evening will be spent organizing where to source the vegetables in wholesale and how to get Wanja on a Nissan from Muranga to Nyamakima over the weekend. This is a busy woman. She has no time to ground spice seeds and garlic to perfection to make pilau. She has had a long day working, thinking and planning. The last thing she needs is chocking smells of garlic and sounds of pestle and mortars while you can just make simple mokimo and serve it with beef stew. Put a slice of avocado on the side and you have your man smiling all the way to bed.

This man has been busy; tough choices to make, stubborn clients, the world has been rough to him. All he needs is a motherly touch; and mokimo is a classic. Kikuyu men do not like spices either, so don’t bother, dhania will do it. Just do it traditionally perfect. Westernization is not appreciated. See what I did there? Westernization…….yes!!

These are traditional foods, deeply rooted in our culture. Colored foods that represent the fertility of our land. Food that unites a province. Serve that mokimo with all the pride in the world.

 Mean while, let the ngwashe be boiling on the jiko for breakfast. Sweet potatoes are even known to fight cancer. It’s October, you have all the reasons to boil those tubers to keep away the tumors. Have a healthy breakfast. Toasted bread wachia wazungu. You have no time to wait for a machine to pop up a slice after another. The enterprise need you.

All days will not be the same, once in a while, you can do meat fry, rice and cow peas on the side. Always thank God that you do not have to do ugali on a daily as is the case in some parts of the country.Appreciate the fact that as long as potatoes are available, you can be food secure and that maize and beans will never really be out of season. Go on, have a kikuyu meal today, food is vanity, what matters is what you do with the energy you get from the food.

And when you cross over to the other side of the slope because of love, make your man ugali on a daily, I hear its not a staple food, its the only food. All the rest are snacks. :D

Yours truly,

Member of the Enterprise.